


better than drinking alone

by nbsherlock



Series: and so it goes, and so it goes, and you're the only one who knows [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Aggression, Alcohol, Angst, Drinking to Cope, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, IPRE Era, takes place after ep 61 in a not too distant future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-27 22:29:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10818063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nbsherlock/pseuds/nbsherlock
Summary: isn't it enough to know that they're coming back?-magnus & lup drink to forget.





	better than drinking alone

**Author's Note:**

> hey heeeey i wrote this for a friend who requested "magnus and lup being pals and drinking together" and instead i wrote this shit fuck garbage mess so. sorry mack. anyway. tw for drinking to cope w bad feelings and main character (taako) death but as you all know he will be alive again so no worries there. just a forewarning. i actually didn't write this one on my phone but it isn't beta'ed so. deeeeeal with it.
> 
> title is from piano man by billy joel. no i'm not... joking....

Magnus takes a deep sip from the glass in front of him. The liquor here is strong, leaves a burn in the back of your throat no matter how much you drink. He keeps drinking, anyway. There’s nothing left to do but ruminate and drink. He chooses the latter.

The seat next to him rattles as someone sits in it. They slam their hands on the table and demand a drink. Then they turn to him. “Hey compadre,” Lup says. Her hair is pinned up and her eyes are red. Like she’s been rubbing at them or… “Why the long face?”

No use getting melancholy. She’s always so bright, sees the best in almost everything, sees through everything else. Magnus chuckles, but it sounds dry and weak, “Nothing.” A long pause.

Lup drains her drink and places the glass down. “Listen, kiddo. I’ve got alcohol in me now, so nothing said here will leave this room.”

“Everyone sits in this room.”

Lup sticks her tongue out and runs her hand through her hair, her fingers getting caught in the pins. “I’m just sayin’,” she smiles, softly, “You can let your tough guy thing go for a little bit.”

Magnus feels like he’s been punched in the chest, the wind knocked out of him. Is it that obvious? He wants to think over every single interaction he’s ever had with any member of the IPRE but finds it clouded with the haze of drink. When he regains his breath, he speaks. “I… I, uh, just thought I’d get used to it after a while, you know?”

“Everyone dying?”

Magnus winces. Rings his hands together. Takes a sip out of his glass—suddenly full again. “Yeah,” he croaks. “Everyone dying. I know they come back it’s just… there’s such a huge space between when they leave and then.”

Lup’s eyebrows knit together. She looks at Magnus, then down at her own drink, filling slowly. “Isn’t it enough to know that they’re coming back?” She sounds like she’s asking herself, too.

Magnus shrugs, his whole body lifting and falling. “I don’t really know.”

This time around, Taako died early. Ran his mouth and got someone or something angry and then he was gone. Magnus remembers turning to Lup, her eyes wide, hand outstretched as if she could somehow reverse time and stop it from happening. Her mouth agape, like she wanted to be screaming, but the rational part of her brain wouldn’t allow her to. Instead she let her hands fall to her sides and turned around. She walked back to the ship. Everyone let her go. There was nothing they could do.

There was nothing they could say.

Lup sighs, “I don’t know either, big guy.” She drinks more.

Magnus bites his lip, “It’s just weird to think that there might not even be a point to any of this. We might not ever win. We might never get to go home.”

“You got anything waiting for you at home?”

Silence. Magnus has nothing waiting for him at home. Silence, empty space. Trying to build a life where nothing should be. A square peg in a round hole.

The question stops seeming rhetorical after a while. “No. I don’t have anything at home.”

Lup shrugs, “Me and Taako don’t have anything either. We… travelled around a lot, before this. Did a lot of stupid shit. Learned to cook. Learned spells. That kind of stuff.”

Magnus laughs, “You guys are good.”

Lup drums her hands on the bar top. “Is this making you feel better or worse?”

“Neither.”

“You mind if I make you feel a little worse?”

Magnus swallows. He does mind, a little. Worse than already bad doesn’t sound great. He shakes his head anyway.

Lup chuckles, her eyes closing. “I know that means you mind but I’m gonna say what I need to anyway, you dick.” She takes a deep, heaving breath. “It’s different when it’s him.”

Magnus waits.

“Not just because we’re related. I mean, sure, we’re twins and that’s a big deal and blah blah blah, but we spent our entire lives together, y’know?” Lup wraps her arms around herself. “And then he’s just gone?” Her voice sounds thick.

Magnus grasps at air, wanting to touch, to comfort. Not being able to.

“And I _know_ he’s coming back. But I miss him anyway, and that’s so fucking stupid.”

Magnus drinks. “It’s not stupid.”

Lup buries her head in her arms. “Just you saying it isn’t stupid means it is.”

“Thanks.”

Her shoulders shake with what is hopefully laughter, “No problem.”

They sit in silence for a while. Magnus finishes his drink. It is refilled. Magnus finishes his drink. It is refilled. Cyclical. He feels nauseous. It’s quiet, up until-

“Are you drunk enough to tell me who you miss the most when they go?”

Magnus splutters and looks over at her. She’s sitting up, now, smiling. “What?”

Lup stares at him, wide-eyed, head cocked to the side, playing innocent. “I miss my brother, obviously,” her voice swoops. “But who do _you_ miss? You didn’t know anyone before this.”

There’s a cold glint to Lup’s eye.

“I’m not answering that.”

She grins, “Why? Because you don’t care about any of them?”

Magnus knows, deep down, that she’s putting up fences and barbed wire because she let herself get too vulnerable, let him get too close. It doesn’t stop the pain from coming on in violent waves. His head spins.

“I care about all of them.”

“Bullshit,” she spits.

Magnus stares at his glass, full. Looks at Lup’s, empty.

“Maybe we should stop drinking,” he says. “I don’t want to fight with you.”

Lup seems to deflate. “I thought you were the guy who _liked_ fighting.”

Magnus shrugs, “I think that guy died a couple cycles ago.”

Lup stares at her glass. It refills. “My brother’s dead.”

“The Hunger’s almost here.”

Lup turns her head to look at him. “That makes me feel so much better,” she says, frigidly.

Magnus rushes to fix what he said, “That means he’ll be back.”

“Yeah, and we didn’t find The Light, so tons of other things will be dying instead.”

“Why can’t you just let yourself be selfish?” Lup whips her head around and stares at him. “He’s your brother, can’t you be excuse a few deaths to have him back?”

“It’s the death of an entire civilization, Magnus,” Lup grinds out. “I don’t think anything is worth that.”

“Not even Taako,” Magnus states. His hands are shaking.

Lup seems to freeze over in rage, “You know what?” She downs her drink. “I’m done with this. All of you are awful and nothings even slightly tolerable without him here. So you can-“ she stutters, “you can pour your own damn drinks, and I’m going to sleep until the next cycle.” She spins around to stand up but wavers, her shoulders hitching and her body tensing up.

“Lup,” Magnus says.

She breathes, “What?”

“I know we’re all awful and intolerable,” Lup laughs, dry, sandpapery, “but you’re drunk and I think we should both sit on the couch over there until we sober up. Maybe you can tell me about you and Taako.”

Lup’s shoulders drop down. “I’m sorry,” she says.

Magnus shakes his head, “You don’t need to apologize.”

Lup looks over at him, her face contorted in pain. “I probably do, but thanks anyways.” She holds out a hand and they both stumble over to the couch.

Lup curls up as small as she can manage. Magnus spreads out next to her, his head still spinning.

She clears her throat.

“Taako was always the more impulsive one, of the two of us.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> comments nd kudos are what i drink when i'm not drinking copious amounts of sparkling water so pleeease provide them if ya can! also i'm at @margaritaville on tumblr if you want to..... yell at me?


End file.
